For two discussions in a row, I’ve brought a movie that isn’t really horror. However, Pretty Maids All in a Row (1971) carries enough geek cred that I don’t want to exclude it. Forgive me for focusing on the murder mystery aspects thinking it was a thriller loosely fitting into the classic horror mold. It’s really a sex comedy with scant mention of the killings. In fact, I’d consider them a subplot.
I mean, they’re there and they drive the overall plot. Instead of emphasizing any thrills or chills, though, they lie in the background as the story prefers to focus on the sexually frustrated high school student, Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson), and his misadventures with his female classmates and his substitute teacher, Miss Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson.)
Michael “Tiger” McDrew (Rock Hudson) is the guidance counselor, football coach, and mentor to Ponce. Little does Ponce know, though, that the man he admires is sleeping with some of the pretty high school girls who have facilitated his troubles. Oh, and he might be a serial killer. Never mind the fact that he’s married to a young woman who’s pretty herself and has an adorable daughter.
A hangover from the 1960s age of hippy-dippy beliefs and behaviors, much of Pretty Maids All in a Row feels… “wrong.” It may have been too late for its time in 1971, but it’s certainly too late for 2026, even as a time capsule of the era. The uncomfortable feeling it sometimes elicits fights against the humor in some truly funny moments as if I shouldn’t really have been laughing.
So, let’s jump to the geek cred, as inexplicable as it may be. I’m missing the pieces of how it came together, but it was written and produced by Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek.) His involvement likely brought James Doohan into the production as Follo, an assistant detective of the state police. Probably less direct a connection, William Campbell (Trek episodes, “The Squire of Gothos” and “The Trouble with Tribbles”) appears as Grady, a cop.
Geek cred continues as Roddy McDowall is featured as Principal Proffer, then shifts into simple nostalgia of 1970s television. Rock Hudson would soon star in McMillan & Wife, Angie Dickinson in Police Woman, and Telly Savalas in Kojak. I doubt their roles here contributed to their casting. Savalas is the State Police Captain Sam Surcher, fiddling here with a cigarette, not a lollipop.
The parts I found funny have nothing to do with the sex and little to do with the murders. For example, local Police Chief John Poldaski (Keenan Wynn) interferes with the investigation twice. After Surcher scolds him, we see Poldaski directing traffic (and poorly, at that.) Also, there’s something that hasn’t changed through the years: the town is more concerned about Friday night’s football game than it is about high school girls being murdered.
In the end, Pretty Maids All in a Row puzzles me. The stars are charming at times, but I wonder what they were doing in a movie like this. I wouldn’t think it’s because they wanted to work with French director, Roger Vadim, but perhaps it appealed to them to work with the man credited for “visually lavish films with erotic qualities.” It definitely appealed to MGM, who embraced Vadim and his take on the material.
You can also watch it on one of these streaming services:
Leave a Reply