Classic Horrors Club

Disaster Film Checklist

All-Star Cast (Oscar Winners):

• Michael Caine
• Karl Malden
• Shirley Jones
• Sally Field

All-Star Cast (Oscar Nominees):

• Jack Warden
• Shirley Knight
• Telly Savalas

All-Star Cast (Emmy Winner):

• Peter Boyle

All-Star Cast (Others):

• Slim Pickens
• Veronica Hamel
• Angela Cartwright
• Mark Harmon

Multiple Lives in Danger:

• Seven people stupid enough to enter a capsized ship and…
• …eight people smart enough to want to leave it

Characters & Relationships:

• Captain Mike Turner and his buddy, Wilbur Hubbard, have worked together and have been friends for many years.
• Celeste Whitman was brought aboard Turner’s boat by Wilbur, and she falls in love with Turner.
• Stefan Svevo masquerades as a doctor, but is really a terrorist.
• Harold and Hannah Meredith have been happily married for many years.
• Gina Rowe is the Poseidon’s nurse.
• Suzanne is a former flame of Svevo’s and is aware of his crimes, making her a target for elimination.
• Frank Mazzetti is desperately looking for his daughter, Suzanne, who has been helped along the way by a handsome young man, Larry Simpson, whom Frank does not like.

Handicaps:

• Harold Meredith is blind.

Themes:

• Greed/selfishness vs. altruism

Thoughts

One of two things may be the deciding factor for why Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979) sinks. One may be that the further it comes from the heyday in which the original The Poseidon Adventure (1972) was released, the more disaster film tropes are jettisoned. There are no daring rescues, brave sacrifices, or surviving babies, children, or pets. Only a couple characters are related to each other and none have redemption arcs. 

Further, there are no real violations of laws of physics requiring suspension of disbelief. In their place, however, are several human interactions that defy logic and commons sense. On this adventure, one might get burned, dislocate a shoulder, or even get shot, but none of that is as painful as some of the dialogue. For specific examples, refer to the end of this post. 

We often criticize tropes, but they are the lifeblood of the genre film. Without them, we have plain old movies. If you look again at the elements missing from Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, they are all ones that made The Poseidon Adventure special. I appreciate not wanting to make the same movie and to advance the story, but Beyond the Poseidon Adventure ends up making the same movie anyway… with no apparent purpose.

Any of the alternate plot ideas I’ve read make more sense than what we get in the final product… and they would have come earlier than eight years after the original:

• The survivors of the original disaster take a train to Austria to testify about what happened. Along the way, a miles-long tunnel collapses. The passengers are trapped and struggle to escape.
• In Paul Gallico’s novel, Mike Rogo, on the rescue helicopter with James Martin and Manny Rosen, forces a return to the ship because he was actually on board to protect a shipment of gold.
• Even this ridiculous concept sound more fun than the final product: Gene Hackman returns, not as Reverend Scott, who made a brave sacrifice in the original film, but as his… twin brother. 

The final script, which was apparently being rewritten daily, borrows a plot point from Gallico’s novel. The Poseidon has a purser’s office full of gold and diamonds and Cpt. Turner (Michael Caine) claims salvage rights to it. At the same time, Stefan Svevo (Telly Savalas) has crates full of guns and one with double-secret contents: plutonium. (How Svevo and his men are able to get the crates to the surface is an unexplained mystery.)

John Wayne and Burt Reynolds both turned down roles in Beyond the Poseidon Adventure because they read the script. Michael Caine and Sally Filed both admit making the movie for the paychecks. Field once stated that it was the least favorite of her movies. Angela Cartwright was disappointed in “certain aspects,” saying the film was only about “water, fire, and stunts.” I wish it was Angela; even those are lackluster.

I mentioned a second deciding factor for why Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979) sinks. Irwin Allen may have been a good producer, but he was not a good director. This and The Swarm (1978) are two of the most laughable disaster films and the first nails in the coffin for the subgenre. Nevertheless, as with several movies I’ve watched in this series, I enjoyed Beyond the Poseidon Adventure for reasons as inexplicable as its plot.

Quotes

In times of real trouble, the one thing man can depend on is the sympathy of the bank.

Cpt. Mike Turner

I never intended to harm anyone Captain, as you must realize, I can’t let you go now.

Stefan Svevo

I’m telling ya it’s a floating time bomb!

Wilbur Hubbard

I guess if I had a daughter as pretty as you are, I’d probably act the same way.

Larry Simpson

It’s your basic guard variety terrorist. I think he wants to kill us.

Celeste Whitman

This crap you’re dishing out here, you trying to tell us you’ve got some kind of doomsday machine in there or something?

Frank Mazzetti

If I’d known I was gonna be sailing with Captain Bligh I’d have stayed put up in my chateau in the Riviera.

Celeste Whitman

Theresa, what your father is trying to tell you is he’s a little bit concerned that maybe I’ll tear your clothes off and make love to you here in front of him.

Larry Simpson

Frank, so help me, you keep runnin’ off at the head, you ain’t gettin’ one dang sip of this wine.

Dewey “Tex” Hopkins

Even a bloodhound couldn’t smell a cold pie in a refrigerator at 100 feet.

Cpt. Mike Turner

It’s our only way out. I’m going to turn you all into frogmen. No one has a choice.

Cpt. Mike Turner